Late Night in Prague, er, Apple Valley

It's late night, which is the perfect time of day to bring up hazy memories from the past. Or vivid ones. Or all the ones that fall in between.

Although I've tried quite hard to get into the good old Minnesota Christmas spirit, something seems to hold me back. Namely, I can't quite get it out of my head that a year ago from right this instant, I was scrambling through Prague attempting to catch a train bound for Munich. Catching a train is in itself not an extraordinary activity. But I suppose the circumstances made it so. Out on my own for the first time, stuck in a country where I'm completely confused by language and culture, forced to rely on myself instead of my parents, etc, etc, etc. But mainly, I'm just have a bit of melancholy at the fact that my days of extreme living are currently limited.

It's no secret to those who know me or who follow this blog that the experience I had in Nottingham has profoundly affected me. In some ways, I wish it hasn't. I wish I didn't have these feelings of separation, of loss. Of a struggling identity, of reconciling myself pre-England with myself post-England. But then again, these are the things that have caused me to grow the most. And for that, I am thankful. More importantly, I am so very thankful for my time spent on 67 Homefield Road, Nottingham NG8 5GH. For my English family, all 10 of them.

Why is it that Christmas, for all of its joy, can also bring about sadness? Maybe it's because we tend to think of all the joyful events of the past, and we don't pay enough attention to the now, or to the future. I have no idea. But as I've thought, it's not the actual past that saddens me. I'm not sad that I'm not reliving the exact Prague experience right now, because that can never be. I think I'm more sad that for the time being, I won't be able to make new experiences similar. Life's a bitch for a poor college student, right? (not really, I have few complaints)

One thing's for certain, life is definitely moving forward. I have received confirmation today of my acceptance to Hamline University School of Law. I was glad to hear it, it's at the very least a more than adequate safety net. At the highest, it's a great opportunity to launch my life as the long fabled REAL ADULT. I guess anything less than Minnesota will be sort of a bitter pill to swallow, but I better get used to it. For sure, Hamline offers an opportunity to study international arbitration in London for a month in the summer. I think I would go. What am I talking about, I know I would go. Sometimes, I just want to go back home.

That was dramatic. I'm sorry.

I want to close this post with a piece of poetry from a friend's blog. One of my simple joys in England was reading the blogs of my Notts/Luther friends, seeing how they were interpreting our shared experience. I won't say who this is from, but it is definitely from an individual who is more eloquent than I could ever hope to be. I read it tonight and it sort of spoke to me, in a certain sort of way. I'm pretty sure it was written as we were about to leave Nottingham for the last time.

as we fill our bags
our heads crowd with memories from the year
ignoring the lump in our throats
holding back floods of tears
we realize every activity is for the last time

two mornings remain
one family dinner

after a bus ride to london
will face the hardest goodbye
knowing that nothing will be the same
after our families and luther,
England will always be home


England will always be home. I was sure that would turn out to be a cliché. I've figured out, it's anything but.

If I don't talk to everyone, I'm wishing a very happy Christmas to all. My hope for everyone is that we all take some time to see the Christmas beneath the sales and the lights. It really is a beautiful time of the year, if you can find it.