Library Improvements

I'm sitting here in the bowels of Preus Library, at my usual spot next to the stacks on the British Empire. Feebly attempting to take notes on Tom Paine's Rights of Man. Often times I compare Luther's own to the Hallward Library at Notts Uni. Both have similarly unattractive architecture, boxy structures, reams of info, soul crushing study carrels, yada, yada, yada. But something is definitely missing here at Luther, and no, it's not that nifty little scanner turnstile thing or automatic doors. Not even the local feminist group or student government group trying to get me to vote directly outside. No, we need a cafe here at Luther.

I think the thing that made the Uni library so tolerable was the fact that there was a handy little cafe inside the building. You could go buy a cup of 90p coffee and hike up to the history stacks on the third floor and disappear. But at least you'd disappear with coffee, as opposed to here, where you would simply disappear. Granted, it was shitty Tschibo coffee, but sometimes you just take what you can get. Rumor has it that this year, the uni switched to Starbucks. At face value, this is absolutely brilliant (we all know my soft spot for the 'bucks). But apparently, students were outraged by the 40p increase in a coffee. Me? Small price to pay for quality.

Fortunately for Luther, I have the perfect solution to bring our library out of the dark ages: Build a rooftop tiki bar.

Think about it. The roof is perfectly flat, so there's a stable foundation for a tiki hut and some bar tables. We could get some torches, maybe even string some outdoor lights above the seating area. Some palm trees, sand, a volleyball net. Voila, instant Caribbean fun. The Jazz Orchestra could be the resident dance band, we could play every Friday and Saturday night for tips. Once again, plenty of room on that flat roof for some sensuous Latin footwork. Long day working on your senior paper or researching Tom Paine? Just take a break, go up to the roof and have a beer with lime. We could have margaritas and tropical drinks too, hell, a full bar. Tortilla chips and salsa, tacos, all sorts of stuff. All those unfortunate to be minors could have kiddie cocktails or Sprite.

Maybe there will be a check in point where you'd be required to change into appropriately tropical attire. Maybe a sign that says something to the effect of "No Shirt? No Shoes? No Problem." The library would be the coolest place on campus almost overnight. People coming to the tiki bar would inevitably have to pass through the library, which would guilt them into doing homework before they got wasted. I don't see a problem here. Everyone wins. There's a place in the library for refreshments, Luther keeps more kids on campus, more people do homework, and the Jazz Orchestra finally gets some recognition.



Imagine this scene on the library roof. What's not to like?