Food TV and stuff

I'm really not much of a TV watcher. I am foiled by "The Office," typically have watched "24," and have recently started to become interested in "30 Rock." But mostly, aside from baseball, don't watch a ton of TV shows at specified times. Apart from "Seinfeld" and "Arrested Development" on DVD.

Recently though, I've been watching "Top Chef" on Bravo. I don't know why, Bravo typically isn't my favorite channel. I mean, it mainly features shows about fitness, fashion, hip hop dance, crap like that. Not exactly the staple programs of the modern 21st century heterosexual male. I daresay, they tend to cater more to the more feminine, possibly non-heterosexual man.

Right.

Anyways, what the hell was I talking about? Right, Top Chef. One must understand, I am not very food literate. I pity the fool who has to eat cuisine touched by my hands. I wish it wasn't so. I actually, legitimately would like to improve my cooking skills. I do think it's fun. But I dislike sucking. I also dislike having to purchase all the ingredients necessary to cook interesting food. But, I will resolve today to improve my cooking skills. I definitely learned a lot last year, struggling as the third wheel of my various cooking crews. It's time to unburden myself from the title of "third wheel." Rather, it's time to assume the mantle of "competent."

It's kind of an interesting show. A lot of drama, but interesting nonetheless. I'm intrigued by the fact that these chefs seem so conversant about things that I am utterly clueless of. Like fennel. What the hell is fennel? I have no idea, but apparently everyone else in the world does. I was also confused as to what exactly an artichoke is. I know it sometimes serves as a pizza topping. But in reality, it sounds more like some sort of auto component.

Well, it looks like your oil filter is worn out. Have to replace that. Also, the cable connecting the artichoke to the engine block is corroded. That will be $50,000.

I suppose it's sort of humbling. Tarragon, capon, crustini, all things I am completely unfamiliar with. I'm usually the sort of person who has a good handle on most things. I like to think I have a fairly broad range of knowledge. Put me in a kitchen, and I'm like that kid you knew in 3rd grade who couldn't figure out how to make a pinch pot out of clay. The dude who ends up with a napkin holder or something. I'm the guy who tried to grill chicken with beer cans shoved up their ass on a non-lit grill for 2 hours. Just a titch embarrassing.

I'm really intrigued by people who, if you give them a few ingredients, can come up with this stuff that I'd never even dream of. Like it's no big deal. That's a skill right there. It's like, improvising a jazz solo. Except it includes chicken and rice. And tarragon. And artichokes. And then people eat it, rather than listen to it. So yeah, just like an improvised solo.

Once I made manicotti. And spaghetti alla carbonara. And a chocolate cake. However, most of those were like, a high schooler improvising, as opposed to John Coltrane. I've yet to make a John Coltrane cake. Or a John Coltrane anything. Maybe that will be my mission for the summer.

Anyways, Twins win tonight, 13-1 over the White Sox. Carlos Gomez hits for the cycle. Pretty frekking sweet.

Tomorrow's my last day of undergraduate courses. I'm going to wake up and try and make some coffee. I made the most absolutely horrendous coffee on Monday night. It was actually embarrassing. I probably apologized for it about 50 times. So yeah, I'm seeking redemption from myself.