Reflections

You really have to work to be more bored than I was today. It would be an accomplishment worthy of merit to reach such a balance of boredom, unmotivation, and general worthlessness. I was a slug. One of those ugly ass slugs feeding off their own unnecessary body fat, too lazy and stupid to even move.

Mid afternoon, I think it's just a vortex. Time goes into it and never leaves. A black hole of productivity. It's the most boring time of day, as today made too evident. I think I just sprawled out on my couch for at least a half hour, too devoid of anything to do anything meaningful. Maybe I attempted to watch Seinfeld, but that was equally unsuccessful. When not even Seinfeld piques your interest, there's a problem. Theoretically, I should have been instantly awestruck by it. I mean, it's a show about nothing and I was doing nothing. I dare say, I was doing jack shit. Maybe I reached a state of anti-nothing, like anti-matter. I was so utterly worthless a human being that I was actually sucking thingness out of the world. I wouldn't doubt it.



It was at this time of anti-nothing that I was saved by both the decision to exit the sanctum of my room and the beautiful Decorah weather, which I indulged in with a walk about campus, sort of. Surprisingly enough, I think it may have been the first time I went walking in Decorah for walking's sake, something I did often in England. I wish I could claim it as my idea, but alas, it was another's. And a wise one at that. During the course of our little excursion, I somewhat mused internally on my time here at Luther. Thought about what the future holds. If anyone read my previous post, they should know that I'm not experiencing some of the same intense emotions that some people are upon leaving Luther College. Or at least, experienced them at a different time. But, I would be remiss if I didn't admit that some emotional juices are stewing up in that little brain of mine.

My best friend seems to be insistent on denying any benefit that Luther may have in their future lives. Frankly, it's starting to piss me off. You have to be an idiot to deny that college didn't play some sort of significant role in shaping you as a person. If you're that self aware in high school, I am literally standing up and clapping for you. And simultaneously weeping. I look back at the person I was in high school, and I praise God every day for making me the person I am four years later. I think I'm a genuinely happier person, in ways that maybe aren't quite explainable. But needless to say, Luther has affected all of us, whether we admit it or not. There's something about this place, from the bubble, to the closeness, to the physical surroundings, that will always stick with us. No matter how confident we pretend to be.

And that's not bad, not bad at all. To deny our feelings, to deny what this place and what these experiences have meant to us, well, it's fucking stupid. And unnatural. And well, not right. In my case, I have another place to help define myself, a place which I've struggled with for about a year now. And that's okay, I feel. Just at least admit it to yourself. There's nothing un-masculine or un-liberal or un-anything about saying that something affected you in a profoundly deep way.

Luther and Nottingham have affected me in a profoundly deep way, and I don't feel bad about saying it.

Anyways, this blog isn't a sermon, so I'll shut up. I'm watching Indiana Jones right now. It's my version of studying for my Middle East history final tomorrow. I mean, they're in Cairo. And basically, here's the perfect example of a well adjusted history person. As an official History Major, I don't typically descend into snake filled pits, but you never quite know what's on the horizon. In the case that our written final tomorrow morning turns into an expedition for a lost biblical treasure in the Decorah bluffs, I'll know exactly what to do. In addition to knowing Binyamin Netanyahu was Israeli PM from 1996-1999.






In baseball news, the Twins have recently took 3 out of 4 from the Red Sox. They played Sunday and Monday nights on ESPN, so I had the good fortune of watching them with friends, which I find quite enjoyable. As I think I mindlessly bitched about previously, baseball is always more fun with friends, even ones who can't tell balls from strikes or the American league from the National.

If our final does turn out to be an adventurous quest, I'll also know how to effectively throw Nazis off a moving vehicle. Quite useful.