Half Price Books

I am the scourge of Half Price Books. Literally, if we lived in a pirate society, I'd be the Jolly Roger or whatever to Half Price Books' peaceful British colonial town. Except for the fact that I actually have to pay for all the plunder I take from them. Hate how that works.

I'm really a fan of the one in my native Apple Valley. I've been to the one in Roseville and have concluded that it is worthless. Firstly, it's because they have some sort of pricing curve for music. A Beatles CD that would cost $6.98 in AV costs $9.98 in Roseville. There are all sorts of little discrepancies like that. And secondly, they usually don't have anything good. Which I suppose probably means that people in Roseville respect good music more than they do in AV.

That's the disadvantage to shopping at HPB, when you see something that just does not belong in a second hand store. For instance, today I saw a copy of Bill Evans' "Sunday at the Village Vanguard," one of the most legendary jazz recordings ever. A milestone in the development of modern jazz. And someone, somewhere, decided that the infinite glory of the music was worth little more than the $3 they got paid for it. Shameless, absolutely shameless. A part of me dies when I see that. I literally stood there and thought about purchasing the Bill Evans album and gifting it to someone, just to save it from the indignity of being peddled next to a copy of Burt Bacharach's greatest hits. But like I said before, I spend entirely too much money at this store in the first place. So I dried a tear and turned away. Once I saw a copy of "Kind of Blue" in the racks and had to go throw up.

I suppose other people's loss is my gain though.

I think one of the reasons I like the HPB in AV so much is that it is staffed by blissfully awkward people. I had a book recommended to me a little bit ago (which I bought at HPB) about snap judgments, and how people can seemingly instantly know stuff about things in a matter of seconds. I've only read about a chapter or two in it, but basically the gist is that you can know something fundamental about a person in the first few seconds you meet them. Needless to say, I applied this technique when I was milling about the store this afternoon. And with nearly ever person, I instantly knew they were socially awkward. Which means I would probably get along great with them.

There's the dowdy girl who you know spends every waking moment reading Jane Austen. She strangely reminds me of my 12th grade English teacher. Like, a clone from the past or something. There's also the nerdy looking dude with glasses who probably has to structure his work schedule around his World of Warcraft raids. The slovenly guy with the beard who looks really bored, he's always the guy buying your books. But two employees in particular stick out to me, they must be my favourites. One is this very pregnant girl who undoubtedly drives a car that runs on vegetable oil and only wears hemp clothing naturally grown by a small cooperative in the Ecuadorian countryside. She hasn't been around lately, so maybe she's not quite so pregnant anymore. The other guy has to go through life stoned out of his mind and he rocks the 1970's pornstar look to go with it. Kind of looks like he crawled out of a couch in his mom's basement. He also really likes Nirvana, because he talks to me about them nearly every time I stop in. Absolutely hilarious, I think.

Being that the majority of people who go into HPB are relatively normal, it's always funny to see the normal people try to interact with the employees. It's kind of like if I were to start talking to you in Yiddish about my thoughts on trombone mouthpieces. Complete lack of information transmission. Lucky for those of us who have deciphered the code though, we can communicate freely in front of the "normal" people without anyone knowing what's going on.

The scary thing is, I've had people ask me on at least two occasions if I work there.

Seriously though, cannot go wrong at this store. If any of you haven't gone, I'll gladly take you on a guided tour. I mean, where else can you pick up an LP of Don Ho's greatest Hawaiian hits?

Exactly, nowhere. Why the hell do you need that? I have no idea, but I own it. A friend of mine once went and got an LP of German Oktoberfest songs for 50¢. I thought it was stupid too, until we listened to it after a couple beers. Then it sounded like a brilliant purchase. Based on that, I'm sure Don Ho will prove his worth eventually.

Next time you need a book on self help, science fiction, or 19th century Russian history, check out HPB. Or if you need a Burt Bacharach album. Give me a ring, I'll probably want to come along.