Sports Journalism

I made the mistake yesterday of listening to about 10 minutes of the Vikings game on the radio. Now, one would think that it's hard to screw up a radio broadcast. As I learned yesterday though, it is quite easy to make something that seems so simple be so offensive.

The Viking's radio man sounded like the kind of guy that lived on the floor above me at Luther (The Football Cluster). He didn't so much broadcast the game as shout it, kinda sounding like he was going through some sort of neverending roid-rage. He peppered his play by play with absolutely pointless commentary, supplemented by some sort of color man with equally pointless observations. In sum, he was like practically every person I've ever met who plays football.

If you watch ESPN at all, you know that 95% of what they say on Sportscenter is stuff they just kind of pull out of their ass. But it just seems to me that football shows, like pregame shows and NFL Tonight or whatever, they're more like 99% bullshit. And I don't quite know what it is, whether it's the result of some sort of massive testosterone imbalance or what. You can automatically tell that there's a football show on TV though, even if it's muted. There will always be the following characteristics.

1- Unneccessarily large wraparound microphones
2- Unneccessarily large tie knots
3- One African American commentator (probably a former player) arguing with a white commentator (not a player, just some guy) while an older white guy looks on amusedly

Never fails.

And don't think I'm just attacking football because of my apathy towards the sport. I cringe every time Fernando Vina and John Kruk open their mouths on Baseball Tonight. At least they can be said to have some modicum of loyalty. I think my all-time least favourite sports broadcaster is Anthony LaPanta of FSN North here in Minnesota. He does have a whiny voice, but the ultimate sin is his appearance on Twins Live in the summer, Timberwolves Live, and Wild Live. Did you hear that? He dares to split his loyalty amongst three teams? He brings his little cronies along with him too, Telly Hughes and Marny Gellner. I can't stand him. The nerve. Where is the loyalty? That's what it's all about.

I can respect broadcasters with loyalty. Herb Carneal, now he had loyalty. All he did was broadcast Twins baseball for some 40 years. John Gordon, he has loyalty. So do Dick and Bert on TV. You might notice that all of these folks are in some way connected by the Twins, but it's their fortune to be connected with the perfect game, and thus mentioned on my blog.

There used to be an excellent blog called Fire Joe Morgan that took ridiculous sports stories (mostly baseball) and ripped them to shreds in hilarious fashion. Unfortunately, they shut down a month or so ago. That's a shame, it was a great site.